Menopause, the Slow Route

Getting to Menopause

All right, this is getting ridiculous. I’m fifty-eight. I should be done with this nonsense. I skipped periods for the last six months, including premenstrual symptoms, then started again, including irritability—I wanted to tear heads off—tears whelming up at any foolish sentiment on TV, and lower back pain. Did you know that your joints soften a bit when you’re pre-period? Any problems with them worsen for a week or so. Heart palpitations—hadn’t been bothered by them during the six-month reprieve—back in full force. I went around holding my breath, the only thing I’ve found that stops them. (Had the heart tests to be sure—nothing wrong.)

Perimenopause

Perimenopause, the interval before actual menopause when hormones start to shift, can last—and last—and last. I think it’s been nearly fifteen years for me. I’ve lost track. An ob-gyn offered me the option of a quarterly injection that supposedly eases you through the transition, but I have a prejudice against messing with natural processes unless of course your health is on the line. We get so many unneeded hormones and other pollutants from our food, air, and water, I’m hesitant to add more, and I don’t trust the industry or the EPA to thoroughly test medications before allowing people to consume them.

I read in an environmental magazine that the EPA doesn’t do its own testing on products or processes, such as gas fracking. They rely on studies done by the companies putting out the product. What? Crazy and ridiculously naïve if true—I take even the environmentalists with a grain of salt. Most groups have an agenda, and no, that’s not paranoia, it’s reality.

Social Ramifications

Menstruation does affect my social life. The first day or two of my period, I don’t dare leave the house. Simply standing up often causes a dam break and I’d better be close to a bathroom. I sleep with an old towel under me. And emotionally, I’m not fit to be around, I’m sorry to say. I should wear a sign—Approach at Your Own Risk. I can maintain a sense of humor after my period, not so much the days before and during.

Consolation

At fifty-eight, it has to stop sooner than later. I’m counting the days. Is it weird? I even look forward to the hot flashes—they’re easier to handle than PMS.