The Oscars

The Oscars

In my parents’ house, the Oscars used to be a celebration complete with the special snack of fudge and popcorn. We rarely saw all the movies or performances nominated but we knew every star. I still watch every year but, especially in the last two years, haven’t seen one of the movies nominated, despite the longer list nowadays, and I’ve never seen, sometimes never heard of some of the actors. I didn’t know the actress who won best actress last night. Is that a sign of my age?

I don’t mind the length of the show. It’s part of the appeal for me, its specialness, maybe. I thought scrolling the names of the people the winners wanted to thank on the screen was a great idea, a time and boredom saver. Have to admit, I tend to read or go do something else when winners drone on. Didn’t work, though. The winners couldn’t seem to help themselves from naming everyone anyway. Guess it didn’t seem as real not to mention people in person.

Lack of Diversity Controversy

Chris Rock handled the controversy of no nominees of color in the last two years well. Some of his jokes fell flat or were of questionable taste, but you have to know that’s coming if you hire him. Most of the time, he handled the situation with both grace and a bite that included all sides of the issue. Is the Academy prejudiced, he asked? Of course, but not in a keep the races segregated way, he suggested, more in a sorority type of way—you don’t quite fit our requirements. He also slapped at Jada Pinkett Smith, who boycotted the Oscars, saying it was like him boycotting Rhianna’s panties. Rhianna is a beautiful, black singer, if you’re unfamiliar with the name. Neither he nor Jada were invited.

I really liked the part where black actors—I especially like Whoopi Goldberg—were inserted into nominated movies in bits that also spoke to diversity.

The Best Moments

The Minions introduced the candidates for best animated short and cavorted around a microphone that wouldn’t stay put. Cute. Louis C K introduced short documentaries, one of the most important categories, he quipped, because these people weren’t bringing their Oscars home to mansions, they were bringing them home in Honda Civics. Vice President Biden introduced the nominated song “Til It Happens to You” from the film The Hunting Ground about the rape culture on America’s college campuses. Lady Gaga sang it. She has a wonderful voice, though I didn’t find the song as effective as the victims who came out to stand with her, messages such as “It’s not your fault” written on their arms. Very powerful. Leonardo DiCaprio, on his first win, voiced his concern for climate change, saying don’t take the planet for granted as he wouldn’t take his award for granted.

Not seeing the nominated movies, for me, didn’t detract from enjoying the show. I’ll look forward to it again next year.

  

Male Writers and Romance

Male Writers and Romance

I read a lot more fiction by women than men, so this is my personal experience from the limited amount of authors I know. In general, when it comes to sex, men tend to be more rough and tumble—even violent, without any emotional stake or at least more concerned with the physicality of the act, or sweetly romantic.

Sweetly Romantic

In The 13^th Hour by Richard Doetsch, the main character must go back in time hour by hour, an interesting and unusual take on time travel, to save his murdered wife, about whom he says they never just had sex. They always made love—aww. Plot flaw—items that existed in the past became doubled when he carried them on his person as he traveled back, but there were never two of him. Otherwise, clever idea, though the excess of telling what was going on instead of showing it through action or dialogue did dampen the tension.

Dean Koontz’s main character, Odd Thomas, in his Odd Series lost his girlfriend to mass murderers in the first book and never looked twice at another woman despite only being in his early twenties.

Lack of Emotion

Stuart Woods writes a series about a police woman called Holly Barker. In Orchid Blues, her fiancée is murdered and he merely gives a brief account of her feelings. She immediately returns to the job and is relegated to a secondary character in her own series. I managed to get half through Reckless Abandon, which had even less emotional depth to the characters. He obviously doesn’t care for government agencies and their employees, yet his so-called good guys also came across as dishonest or dumb.

A lack of emotion doesn’t characterize the work of David Baldacci or Brad Meltzer. It’s more that romantic interests take a back seat to the coworker/friendship relationships with men. The Collectors is one of Baldacci’s Camel Club novels. Though it stands alone fine, one of the main conflicts is left hanging, obviously to be taken up in the next book. Both series are set in Washington D.C., the characters involved in conspiracies by or against government officials. Baldacci’s group of men first came together socially. Meltzer’s group specifically works in political circles. Baldacci’s main character is the more prevalent stiff-upper-lip loner. Meltzer takes more pains to round out his character’s emotional life.

Violence

I’ve read the first three books of George R. R. Martin’s Ice and Fire Series. Storm of Swords, the third book, depressed me. The characters endured horrendous things (betrayals, murder, illness, and sever injury), seldom relieved by anything positive. I prefer stories that balance the negative and positive in a believable way. Some of his married couples did at first experience loving and loyal relationships but ended violently. Most of the sexual encounters are violent or primarily described in physical terms. 

David Anthony Durham’s second book, The Other Lands, of his fantasy trilogy, is also very violent and full of betrayal and intrigue. A few of the couples love each other, but sex tends to be a weapon or strategy. Side note: the fantastic creatures in both these writer’s novels remind me of video game monsters that flout the laws of physics. The Other Lands did have a flying lizard that becomes more of a character than a caricature.

On the Other Hand

We Are Not Ourselves by Matthew Thomas tells the story of a wife and son coping with their husband/father’s Alzheimer’s. I read it a while ago and it has stuck with me where most stories don’t. Highly poignant and written in a real-life style, the emotions of confusion and loss wring the heart, but the sex life of the husband and wife still comes across as from a man’s point of view, despite being described from the wife’s perspective, with an emphasis on the physical rather than the emotional aspects.

Elder-Care Realities

Elder-Care Realities

It was supposed to be easier to have my mom close by. Dealing with medical and financial issues has become no more efficient when it comes to relying on professionals to do their part. At least it’s somewhat easier to get ahold of them and certainly to get her to appointments when needed.

We wound up at the emergency room the Thursday after arriving when her labs from her primary-care doctor showed high potassium levels and dehydration—most likely because of the diuretic and potassium pills Georgia doctors prescribed after the congestive heart failure. The pacemaker is doing its job, however, and Mom’s heart is working better. The doctor here took her off the medications and we are watching her weight carefully to ensure no fluid buildup.

And here is where the difficulty arises. She insisted on her own place but shouldn’t be alone. She literally can’t remember any instructions and becomes confused easily. The solution? Constant monitoring, which means myriad phone calls (she often turns her phone off accidentally—personal trip to her apartment required), to remind her to weigh herself, check her blood sugar, take her pills and insulin, eat.

She can’t remember what is and isn’t acceptable on a diabetic diet. Not being able to do the shopping herself helps with that, though constantly having to explain why a certain item was not bought can trigger stubborn denial at needing to be guided.

The Tedium of Care

The constant repetition of explanations, directions, what day it is, what’s on the agenda for the day, what day it is, how to work the phone or the TV, what day it is—you get the picture. Patience wears thin, the temper frays—on both sides—and you dream of a day to yourself with no responsibilities. I don’t see one in the near future. My family needs care, too, and has to be squeezed in whenever possible. I thank God I have an understanding husband who loves my mom like his own. I don’t want to imagine what it would be like if caring for a parent caused marital conflict.

My sister does a lot but also works full-time, so has less free time. There is extended family that can visit and keep my mom from being lonely. They can’t handle things like bills and Social Security screw-ups, or with her health concerns, personal care and medications. Having to coordinate between too many caregivers can be as time-consuming as doing it yourself.

The Bottom Line

I’m glad my mom agreed to move back where we can care for her. We’ll eventually work out the details to share that care and, I sincerely hope, never make her feel like a burden. No matter how compromised the mental capacity, people need to feel useful and appreciated as well as loved. My mom is one of the most creative people I know. We have to find a way to tap into that with her current abilities. Maybe she’ll figure it out before we do.