Marvel's The Avengers

Marvel’s The Avengers

I went with my husband and two sons to see Captain America, Civil War, the latest in a long line of movies starring characters of Marvel comic books. We are all fans of the Avengers—a group of Marvel heroes who generally work together to protect the planet—of this movie, however, not so much. Joss Whedon, a writer and director whose work I’ve admired since his TV show, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, directed and helped write the first two Avenger movies but not this one. Technically, this is a Captain America movie, but many of the Avengers took part in it. I missed Mr. Whedon’s witty dialogue. Even the action scenes seemed long on smashing and blowing up property and short on real excitement.

Have to admit, the scene that included Spider Man had more humor and special-effects interest, though bringing in the character at such a young age and changing his aunt to a middle-aged, sexy Marissa Tomei instead of an elderly woman jolted credibility for anyone who has seen the Spider Man movies.

Story Continuity

I didn’t see the last film of the Captain America character, so was lost when the secondary character, Bucky the winter soldier, came into this movie with references to things that happened in the last film and no other explanation. His relationship to Captain America eventually became clear but feeling at sea for quite some time did not help me become invested in this story. The characters and plots of books in a series need to stand alone, and I feel that movie scripts should do the same when part of a franchise.

Robert Downey, Jr.

I have admired Robert Downey, Jr.’s work for many years. I liked the Iron Man movies, especially the first one, though I prefer the ensemble cast of the Avenger movies. I think the character, Tony Stark’s, struggles to balance power, responsibility, and morality add a lot to the human-interest aspect of the story. The fact that he’s closer to my age than most of the other characters and cute doesn’t hurt.

The movie ended with the conflict between the Avengers ongoing, something to continue in the next movie, which I hope has a better story.

The Third Cause of Death

The Third Cause of Death

I was stunned the other day when a news broadcast reported that while cancer and heart disease remain the two leading causes of death for Americans, the third is medical error. My immediate reaction was how can that be? Why aren’t people up in arms, demanding accountability and an all-out effort to remedy the problem? Maybe, I thought, the report is dramatic, shock-value reporting—until Sunday morning.

 My mother went back into the hospital for a second bout of congestive heart failure. It was obvious to my sister and I that she had gained significant weight from fluid buildup while in rehab to recover from a fracture and a blood infection. She is on a six-week course of IV antibiotics every four hours. The bags of fluid they gave her to dispense the medicine concerned me from the start, alleviated when the bag was changed to one a third the size.

Computer Records and Efficiency

We are supposedly changing to paperless medical-record filing, a more secure and efficient mode of record keeping, we are told. No matter how good the software, however, the record is only as good as the person inputting the data. I don’t know if those medical errors are more surgical in nature or general treatment errors, but I suspect the latter.

Contrary to what we believed, the rehab had no record of my mother’s previous bout of congestive heart failure the end of last year. The primary-care doctor’s office continues to send records that have inaccuracies about the prescriptions she takes.

Did this contribute to my mother’s health reversal? Probably not as her heart is in bad shape. It did cause the rehab doctor to wait longer than he should have to recognize the seriousness of the fluid buildup for her since he didn’t know the history.

Safe-Guards

Maybe there isn’t more of an outcry because people tend to trust their medical providers and may not question when things go wrong, especially for someone very ill. The illness is to blame. There are important ways to safe-guard yourself and your loved ones.

Be proactive—check your records to ensure that they are accurate every time you have a medical change. Have a healthcare proxy written up—you can get it online—and give a copy to every healthcare institution where you receive treatment. Choose someone you trust to ensure your wishes are carried out if you can’t voice them. Have that person or yourself, if able, go over any records sent to hospitals, specialists, etc., by your primary-care office for accuracy. That means keeping a list of medications and other pertinent information that you bring to all treatment providers.

Things such as an unreported allergy to a medicine, prescription that may interact badly with another, and previous condition or procedure that may have an important bearing on your current condition, when overlooked, can be deadly.

When Friendships Die

Friendship’s End

Ending a long-term friendship involves a lot of second guessing, especially if you have been emotionally close. You pour over reasons why the friendship seems to have gone sour, make excuses for sticking it out, guilty over even thinking about dropping the friend from your life, and either decide the problems can be worked out and continue or decide the effort isn’t worth your time. Maybe you take the easy way and stop calling, stop returning calls, and wait for the relationship to die. Maybe you are more courageous and tell the friend how you feel and say goodbye. Then maybe you cry for the loss and comfort yourself with ice cream.

 I have a friend I’ve known for thirty years. I spent a great deal of time with her and her family before I married and had my own kids. I moved to another town and our friendship whittled down to occasional phone calls, though as with anyone you know well, no matter how long it’s been, you pick up immediately from where you left off. After her kids grew up, she and her husband retired to a town next door to mine and we started spending more time together until her husband became critically ill. They insulated themselves instead of reaching out, and I must admit I was too busy getting my kids through puberty to pursue it.

A Friend Changes

After my friend’s husband died and despite the fact that she was no longer the person I remembered, we became inseparable for several years. She has severe medical problems herself and is dependent on narcotic pain killers—doctor supervised and ordered—that have had a definite influence on her personality. It’s called letting your illness become who you are, which is understandable since all the things she used to do and be have become impossible with her medical condition. She hasn’t been able to find anything to replace those lost occupations and focuses mostly on doctor visits and her decreasing abilities. All her other friends from the past have withdrawn.

Two years ago we were supposed to go on an unstructured trip down the eastern coast and visit my parents on the way. I sold jewelry I never wore, but that had sentimental value, to keep from taking money from our limited family budget. The day of the trip, my friend called in tears. She had been having panic attacks for two weeks and just couldn’t bring herself to go. I know she felt horrible, pulling out at the last minute, and the end of our friendship probably took root there, but we continued on as usual for another year until her stubborn, poor choices made her condition and finances worse.

A Natural Death

We still talk, down to every few weeks instead of every day. I listen to her medical problems and financial woes and sympathize. I don’t give advice. She rarely asks about my life. We haven’t seen each other in close to a year and have no plans to. I’ve stopped feeling at least partially responsible for her welfare and was amazed at how little I miss her. Ironically, that does make me sad.   

Parenting By Example

Mother’s Day

This Mother’s Day, my eldest son goes through his first major breakup. Anger and depression vie with each other, often tinged with thoughts of revenge. The relationship had been deteriorating for a while but his girlfriend brought it to a head and was the one to leave. Extra hard on the ego, I guess.

I’m woefully inexperienced in this aspect of relationships. My husband was my first love, and I find it hard to dredge up any anger against my son’s ex-girlfriend as I liked her a lot and, because of their ages, knew it was unlikely to last. I don’t expect them to be friends at this point, but I do expect them to treat each other decently. Forgiveness is the most grown-up quality I know of. My son’s not able to yet, but I think he’s doing pretty well and will eventually look back at the relationship as a mostly positive rite of passage. When I look at him these days, I see the man he is becoming physically and emotionally. The child is now a beloved memory. I look forward to seeing where he goes and what he does.

My younger son has finally landed his first adult-paying job. He has had a paper route for over five years. He went to college for a year and decided to take time off since he’s not sure what direction he wants to take career-wise. It took nearly a year for him to find this job and was a blow to his self-confidence. Knowing about the scarcity of jobs for teens doesn’t help much when applications continually get no response and interviews lead nowhere. I’m proud of his perseverance.

When It’s Your Turn

 I have been focused on my eighty-year-old, ailing mother since my father died the end of August. The stress of these major life changes and her failing mental ability to care for herself has taken its physical toll. She has been hospitalized twice and is currently in a rehabilitation facility for at least two months. I hope she gains enough strength to go back to her apartment, though she will require round-the-clock care. My siblings and I want her to be safe and happy.

I look at this as my turn to take care of her and also as a lesson to my sons in how to treat elderly parents with kindness and respect. Several years ago, my oldest told me in all seriousness not to worry. He’d make sure the nursing home I go to is a good one. I wonder if seeing what we go through with his grandmother will change or solidify that idea.

Jungle Book Animals

Jungle Book—the Movie

Saw the new Disney movie, Jungle Book. Computer-generated imagery has come such a long way. The waterfalls, flowers, and animals in the opening scene looked incredibly life-like, a feast for the eyes and worth seeing just for that. My family prefers the 2-D version of movies. I still jumped in several places, such as when Shere Khan, the enemy tiger, leaped out of the camouflaging jungle growth. The violence and anxiety-provoking danger might be too intense for little ones.

The little boys who played Mowgli as a toddler and the main character are adorable. Neel Sethi, the older Mowgli, managed the perfect blend of vulnerable little man cub and know-it-all pre-adolescent. I haven’t read the original book, so don’t know whether Mowgli returned to the man village as he did in the first movie but not in the current movie. Have to admit, I missed the part where he meets the little Indian girl drawing water and becomes ensnared by her.

Bill Murray was excellent as the bear, Baloo. I loved his rendition of the song, The Bare Necessities. He sang it with a jazz vibe perfect for his voice. Ben Kingsley’s resonant speaking voice gave authority to the panther, Bagheera.

The only part I didn’t care for, nothing to do with the actor, Christopher Walken, was the size of King Louie, an orangutan in the first Disney movie and a Gigantopithecus in this one since orangutans aren’t native to India. The face and eyes were amazing and creepy, but the size, rather than menacing, looked silly to me.

The Animals in the Jungle

I was surprised that all the other animals of the movie are native to India, albeit not necessarily sharing the same habitat as they do in the film. I was curious enough to look them up. A bird that looked like an American bald eagle was an Indian bird called a kite. Wolves and brown bears do live in northern India in the Himalayan Mountains, not in the jungle. Mowgli is raised by a wolf pack while Bagheera watches over and trains him. I would have liked a little more interaction between Mowgli and the elephants, again visually spectacular.

The Moral of the Story

The moral of the movie was nice, especially for impressionable kids—appreciate your individual gifts while recognizing that we are strongest when using those gifts to work together.