Parenting By Example

Mother’s Day

This Mother’s Day, my eldest son goes through his first major breakup. Anger and depression vie with each other, often tinged with thoughts of revenge. The relationship had been deteriorating for a while but his girlfriend brought it to a head and was the one to leave. Extra hard on the ego, I guess.

I’m woefully inexperienced in this aspect of relationships. My husband was my first love, and I find it hard to dredge up any anger against my son’s ex-girlfriend as I liked her a lot and, because of their ages, knew it was unlikely to last. I don’t expect them to be friends at this point, but I do expect them to treat each other decently. Forgiveness is the most grown-up quality I know of. My son’s not able to yet, but I think he’s doing pretty well and will eventually look back at the relationship as a mostly positive rite of passage. When I look at him these days, I see the man he is becoming physically and emotionally. The child is now a beloved memory. I look forward to seeing where he goes and what he does.

My younger son has finally landed his first adult-paying job. He has had a paper route for over five years. He went to college for a year and decided to take time off since he’s not sure what direction he wants to take career-wise. It took nearly a year for him to find this job and was a blow to his self-confidence. Knowing about the scarcity of jobs for teens doesn’t help much when applications continually get no response and interviews lead nowhere. I’m proud of his perseverance.

When It’s Your Turn

 I have been focused on my eighty-year-old, ailing mother since my father died the end of August. The stress of these major life changes and her failing mental ability to care for herself has taken its physical toll. She has been hospitalized twice and is currently in a rehabilitation facility for at least two months. I hope she gains enough strength to go back to her apartment, though she will require round-the-clock care. My siblings and I want her to be safe and happy.

I look at this as my turn to take care of her and also as a lesson to my sons in how to treat elderly parents with kindness and respect. Several years ago, my oldest told me in all seriousness not to worry. He’d make sure the nursing home I go to is a good one. I wonder if seeing what we go through with his grandmother will change or solidify that idea.