Following Parents' Footsteps

Following in Your Footsteps

Those who study family dynamics say that children tend to take after the parent of the same sex. Who they take after in single-parent homes is a different subject. I’m fascinated by genetics and how they manifest through the generations. My three-times-great grandfather on my father’s side was a newspaper publisher. My mother’s father self-published a novel, and her oldest sister has written a historical children’s book about a Native American woman’s life.

 Is my love for reading and writing hardwired by my genes? My mother says she read to me a lot when I was little. I don’t remember it, and I know my love affair with books—I wanted to spend all my free time with them—frustrated my mom, who wanted me to go out and play with friends. She rarely reads for pleasure. My dad didn’t either until after he retired. Then he read all the time. Neither had any inclination to write.

Parental Influence

I would say that my sons do have much of their dad in them—his gross, male sense of humor (my female opinion only of course), his slowpokey way of doing things (they are all turtles), the procrastination that accompanies that, and maybe the totally typical male way of not being able to find anything not directly in their line of vision. I say this because all my female friends complain of the same thing. I know of only one relative of my husband’s who writes.

I also see many of my traits in our sons—shyness, sensitivity, especially to unkindness and hypocrisy, and vivid imaginations. When they were children, even younger teens, I read to them all the time. It is not true that doing so will turn your children into readers. Neither of my sons enjoys reading books though both like stories, more in the form of comedy skits, songs, video games, and for my youngest, poetry. My older son writes lyrics to songs, in which he tells stories. My younger writes poetry that is showing more and more skill, not that I’m an expert. I haven’t studied poetry.

I see a mishmash of my husband and me in how our sons interact with others. Our kids’ social conscience is more similar to mine, their etiquette more like their dad’s. Our oldest looks at responsibilities more like his dad—if it’s okay, it’s good enough—our youngest, more like me—we feel the need to give a project or a job our all. This naturally does not translate to chores at home. Both kids are hoarders and downright pigs in their personal spaces, just like their dad. I worry about fire hazards. I do collect stuff, too, but generally it is organized in specific places and doesn’t wander all over the house. Yes, I feel outnumbered, but damn, can’t men mop up when they miss that great big hole in the toilet? Okay, over it.

Genetics

Physically, my sons don’t look alike or an awful lot like any one family member. The oldest has my father’s curls, my mother’s bump on the bridge of his nose and his father’s pointed tip, and my maternal grandfather’s long, lean build. The younger’s feet and toes, though much bigger, have my shape. His body type is like his father’s, his eye shape like his paternal grandmother’s. His hair waves and has cowlicks like mine. I have no idea where his nose came from.

I suspect our personalities also have much more to do with heredity than we generally admit—preferences, sensitivities, and proclivities to certain fears, behaviors, and talents. Too bad no one in our family had an interest in becoming a biologist.