Supporting Your Children

Supporting Your Children

Not too long ago one of the cohosts on The View, who has young teenagers, said she thought it  was a parent’s job to encourage and support his or her children in all their dreams and endeavors no matter how unlikely or how little talent they might have for them. The world was more than able and ready to shoot them down. Home was their haven.

This simple perspective on parenting jarred me and I wasn’t sure why. Hadn’t I always encouraged my kids? Not unconditionally, I had to admit. One of them wants to make a living in a band, the other as a writer. I have a vivid imagination but am grounded in reality and have a rather literal mind. I talked to them about the hard work and determined persistence it takes to succeed at their dreams. Then in the same breath, I listed jobs where people were or would be needed.

My youngest considered pursuing massage therapy. I agreed he would be good at it but told him, for the same amount of schooling, there were more jobs for physical therapy assistants. He hasn’t looked into either since.

Financial Realities

The woman on The View has a successful career and is married to a successful man, not rich but certainly well off compared to many in the sinking middle class. Even those with better finances have to sacrifice for their children’s education. For parents with less means, their children exploring multiple career options in the education system would take more than they can afford. The child gets one shot and still may wind up with crushing student loans and a career they aren’t happy with or worse—all that education and no job.

It isn’t any wonder that parents feel constrained to guide their kids onto paths they hope will fill their financial needs. Statistics show that because of finances kids are staying longer in their parents’ home or coming back after attempts at independence lead to financial distress. For the most part it isn’t poor parenting or overly entitled kids causing the problem. The economy has changed drastically from two generations ago and many of us either didn’t see it or don’t know how to cope with it.

A Changing Economy

My parents’ generation was able to stop at a high-school diploma, buy a house, and raise a family—often on one income. They worked twenty or more years at one job and retired with a pension. Today’s college graduates frequently start their careers with temporary or part-time jobs, rarely stay at one job more than ten years, have to provide their own retirement income, and can’t survive on one job, despite daycare costs taking the majority of the second or third income.

All that begs the question, do you unconditionally support your teens’ dreams, bolster them against the world’s coldness, or steer them onto more secure paths? I’m still not sure of the answer.