Siblings as Friends

Siblings Growing Up

When I planned my family, I read that siblings who are at least three years apart tend to harbor fewer feelings of rivalry than those born closer together. My sons were born five years apart—not intentionally—it just worked out that way. Even with the age difference, after the youngest became old enough to interact with a playmate, the boys shared many of the same interests in children’s programming, indoor and outdoor games, and often friends.

I don’t remember any major fights and few minor disagreements. As young adults their individual interests and talents have set them on divergent paths, though not greatly dissimilar.  They both love music, the youngest with a wider taste in styles. Video games are always a favorite, though the older is also heavily into the game of Magic Cards, an interest his brother does not share.

Both are introverted, one more than the other, and have similar learning difficulties and philosophies on life, which gives them a lot to talk about and a built-in sympathetic ear in each other. I hope that continues as they mature and perhaps begin families of their own.

Siblings in Later Life

The oldest in my family, I have a brother, about fifteen months younger, and a sister seven and a half years my junior. My brother and I fought over toys occasionally—I remember stealing his bike for a friend of mine so we could ride together. We had few common interests. We’d try to beat each other home from school to get to the TV first. I loved Dark Shadows, and still like science fiction/fantasy books and shows. He prefers reality-based programs and movies. He loved sports, baseball, basketball—I forget what else. I had to be nagged to leave my current book to go outside and play.

Today he is one of my closest friends, someone with a shared history who understands all my references. We never lack for conversation. It took longer to achieve this relationship with my sister—too much of an age difference in the early years, I think. She was my baby, not an equal. After marrying and while raising our kids, we usually only got together for family celebrations, Easter, and Christmas.

We recently lost our mom, our father a year and a half ago. My brother was away driving a trailer truck on long-distance trips until the last few months of my mother’s life, which left my sister and I to cope with most of our parents’ failing health problems. This necessitated a lot of back and forth communication and working together to provide the care our parents needed.

I lost my parents but gained an admiring appreciation of my sister as an adult and a good friend to me. My biggest fear at first, after our mom’s death, was that my sister and I would slip into the old pattern of getting together only several times a year. How nice that she is now a friend to whom I can confide such fears. I’m no longer worried.