Forgive and Forget--Why?

Forgive and Forget

 

I wonder where that maxim comes from. Seems we’d be more likely to repeat bad behavior if others easily forget it, and conversely, put up with someone treating us badly again and again if we forget the events or signs leading up to the other times it’s happened.

If we aren’t held accountable for our actions, if there are no consequences for behaving wrongly, what incentive makes us stop or change our way of reacting to the stresses of life? The way we react is often habit, not something to which we give a great deal of thought, and something we can learn to do differently.

It’s helpful for those around us to have patience as we try and fail as is inevitable with us faulty humans. Our friends and family help us to remain accountable by encouraging positive efforts and not forgetting or letting us forget that actions cause reactions.

Like Begets Like

Violent words and actions rouse violence in return. Anger is guaranteed to butt heads with angry responses and often escalate to hatred and/or violence. Have you ever seen any angry, hateful rants or demonstrations by like-minded mobs accomplish any long-lasting, positive change? Peaceful rallies have changed the world.

Forgiveness

I doubt forgiveness has anything to do with forgetting. And it’s not really for the person being forgiven. Letting go of feeling victimized and all the normal, negative emotions—fear, anger, betrayal—that strip us of our power, our feeling of being in control of our lives empowers us to move forward.

Bad things happen no matter how careful we are. If the hurt goes deep enough to be trauma, reaching out for help in handling it will probably be needed. The only real thing we have control over in relationships and unexpected encounters with people is our response to their behaviors. Forgiveness is a must-have tool in our arsenal to keep our emotional health intact.