Saying I'm Sorry

Relationship Minefields

We’ve probably all stayed too long in relationships not good for us, dependent emotionally or financially on the other person, afraid of being alone, worrying about the effect of a breakup on the kids, or just plain too stubborn to give up on a relationship we’ve outgrown.

On the other end of the spectrum, we complain about a friend, spouse, or partner to other friends and family then wonder why they can’t seem to forgive the person after we have. They haven’t shared in the process of reconciling differences, so can be slower to see the good that can come from making up. It can be a pain deciding where the line is, but there is one between venting annoyances that should be worked out privately with the other person in the relationship and sharing problems where you need an outside person’s help or advice to find a solution.  

Making Apologies vs. Amends

When we’ve deliberately hurt someone, directly or as a byproduct of our behavior, it’s never enough to make a passive statement of I’m sorry. Never. A true apology requires making amends. To amend something means to improve it, remove the errors in it, and correct it. We need to recognize and change destructive behavior.

Most of us need help to change ingrained or addictive behaviors from prayer, professionals, self-help guides or groups—whatever works. Just begin, take a step, no matter how small. Reach out to others. There is nothing new under the sun that someone else hasn’t been through or can’t relate to, though if we in good faith work to right our behavior and those wronged by it refuse to forgive us, doesn’t mean we can’t forgive ourselves and move forward.

The positive actions we take can make a world of difference to our self-esteem, our hope for the future, and the way we interact with the world and, more importantly, our loved ones.

Wednesday—what forgiveness means for the ones wronged.