Male Conversation

What the Experts Say

Apparently, when men talk to each other, no matter how mundane the topic, they are competing with one another. This explains another woman’s question of why men refuse to ask for help—directions, to perform a physical task, etc.—or completely go off topic and turn their attention to something maybe not even related to what they were supposed to be doing. Men don’t want to admit to being unable to do a task, to be the bottom person in the competition.

As this competition is the one-upmanship type, a man can feel that a woman is trying to one-up him when she offers her similar experience of a problem. Though she means to show that she understands, he may hear that she’s saying her situation is worse than his—competing.

Differences in Brain Construction

A bundle of nerve fibers separate the two hemispheres of the brain and sends signals between the two. Research indicates that this bundle is thicker in women and allows faster communication between the centers for logic and the centers for intuition (gut responses, not emotions) and imagery, sort of like a four-lane highway versus a two-lane in men. Words and images can travel faster in women, though life experience plays a part in building this roadway as well.

Evolution has a role in men/women differences: women geared to communicating and emotionally bonding with their young, men geared to talking via physical actions. Providing material necessities (a microwave for your birthday) or protecting their families are expressions of love. Again, this conditioning is a base from which life experience determines the final personality.

Monday—suggestions for better communication between the sexes.

Conversing With Men

Turn About is Fair Play—the Men’s Turn

Seems only fair the guys get to complain about women, too. My nephew asked me why women become angry at one guy and automatically extend the annoyance to all men. Mostly, I think, because men-women pet peeves are universal and timeless. We still complain about the things our parents and grandparents complained about. I must admit, however, that while the term men bashing sounds and was meant to be comical, women bashing takes on a whole other context and isn’t okay.

Not that women don’t hold their own intellectually and can’t learn to hold their own physically, but by and large, men’s greater musculature gives them an advantage, and historically, women have been far more oppressed by men than the other way round. Makes us leery. That, however, is for a different kind of post.

Men’s Pet Peeves

I didn’t ask my husband for his input as obviously it’s unfair to ask him to put himself in harm’s way, but I can guess. I know what I’m sometimes like—bossy, too quick to snap and not listen to his side, lacking in appreciation—okay, enough on my less attractive qualities. What else bothers men?

The one I hear most often is that women expect men to read their minds and either won’t tell them exactly what they want or never shut up about the guy not caring enough to already know. This probably stems from women finding it helpful to talk about their feelings to arrive at a solution when men just want to get to the point and do something concrete about it or get over it.

Wednesday—what the experts say. Seems there is an actual difference in brain construction between men and women that helps to explain why we hear conversation differently.

Jesus Speaks to Controversial People

The Point of the Gospel

Jesus Speaks to a Samaritan Woman {John}

(Some stories aren’t in chronological order. I’m grouping them—people Jesus taught, parables.)

The Pharisees heard that Jesus baptized more followers than John the Baptist. Jesus and the disciples left Judea for Galilee through Samaria and came to Sychar, a town where Jacob had built a well. (I assume the Pharisees weren’t happy at Jesus’ ministry and he left to escape reprisal.) Tired from the journey, Jesus sat at the well. A Samaritan woman came to draw water, and he asked her for a drink. His disciples had gone into town to buy food.

The woman said, “You, a Jew, ask me, a Samaritan woman, for a drink?” Jews would not drink from the same vessel as a Samaritan.

Jesus said, “God’s gift sits before you, and had you asked, you would have received living water.”

“Sir, you have nothing with which to draw water from this deep well. Where can you get the living water? Are you of greater rank than our father Jacob, who gave us this well and drank from it himself, as did his sons, flocks, and herds?”

“Drink well water and you will soon be thirsty again. The water I give is a spring that leads to eternal life. Those who partake of it will never thirst.”

“Sir, give me this water so I no longer have to make the trip to this well.”

“Go, find your husband and come back with him.”

“I have no husband.”

Jesus said, “You speak truthfully. You have no husband. You have had five, and the man with you now is not your husband.”

“Sir, I see that you are a prophet. Our fathers worshipped on this mountain, but you Jews claim we must go to Jerusalem to worship.”

“Believe me, woman, a time approaches when you will worship the Father in neither place. You Samaritans worship what you do not know (fully understand?); we worship what we know, for salvation comes from the Jews.” (Personal Thought: yet Jesus often berated the Jews for either not understanding or willfully ignoring God’s commands.) “The time has arrived for true worshippers to worship in spirit and truth. They are the kind the Father, who is spirit, seeks.”

The woman said, “I know the Messiah is coming and will explain everything to us.”

Jesus stated, “I am he.”

Lemon Bay

Nostalgic Look Back

I visited my great aunt and uncle during spring break from college traveling from NJ to FL by bus, my guitar squeezed next to my legs for the twenty-four hour trip. I’d never do that again, but the visit was well worth any discomfort. My aunt and uncle lived in central FL on the west coast, a small town on Lemon Bay

I saw my first cormorants, armadillos, porpoises, and best of all to me, pelicans. Their spread-winged elegant glide to rest on the bay contrasted sharply with their ungainly, frantic beat to gain altitude when taking back to the sky. I loved them. My uncle, long since gone, took me out in his dinghy with its tiny outboard motor. The porpoises stayed at a certain distance but certainly closer than I dreamed I’d ever see. My aunt lives in NJ surrounded by her children and grandchildren. She’s 103.

I know little about poetry but liked to dabble in it back then. This poem echoes the effect Lemon Bay had on me.

Lemon Bay

Shimmering channels darkening at bordering piles,

The homes of mussels

Blackened by sea-stained cormorant’s wings.

Sun-glared mullet leap

And distantly, the arch of porpoises,

Dim grays and deep, chill blue.

Wings full spread, pelicans glide in to harbor.

Perched on the sea wall, the blue heron and white egret

Dry in the sunset dusk.

The low sun’s fiery path points home,

Quiets, and dwindles to dark water night.

In a Men Bashing State of Mind

Sorry guys, I’m in a men-bashing mood. I’ll try and rant with a sense of humor.

Are Men:

Capable of Saying What They Mean

Are men genetically opposed to confrontation and do they learn to tell women what they want to hear from the cradle to bypass arguments? I wonder if they even believe in the possibility of discussing issues without arguing. But why take the chance if you can avoid the situation altogether.

I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve heard “I’ll get to it” or “I’ll see what I can do.” Men soon learn that creating excuses takes too much effort and open-ended responses lend themselves to all kinds of interpretations and ways to get around what they don’t want to do.

Capable of Finding Anything Not in Their Direct Line of Sight

Self-explanatory—“Honey, where’s…?” Literally, if I had a nickel for every time that phrase was uttered, we’d be able to retire. Especially annoying when he’s looking for your body’s pieces-parts. It’s not like they move, although they may be surrounded with extra padding these days. Sorry, ladies—men bashing puts me in an impish mood.

Capable of Running an Errand in a Timely Manner

Of course whenever he goes out he meets every single person he’s ever known and has to stop to say hello—and find out each detail of  that person’s life history, their family’s life history, plans for the future, their pets… It’s bogus to portray women as the world’s gossips. And don’t thing we women don’t know you men take so much time so we can’t ask you to do anything else.

Oh, yeah—

Capable of Getting the Order Right

Even with a written list, if you forget one detail, you can bet he’ll screw it up. Cheese doodles—you’ve never liked the hard, crunchy ones but you forgot to write it down, so guess which ones he comes home with? Three pound bags of apples are on sale—get two. Only you forgot to say the plastic-bagged ones. He comes home with the paper-bagged variety despite the fact that they weigh a lot more than three pounds and are twice the price per pound.

I’m stubborn. I haven’t given up and given him the satisfaction of insisting on doing it myself. He still runs errands and I try to remember every possible detail to keep him on track. My memory’s getting too old for this.

Wednesday—maybe more bashing, maybe I’ll be in a different mood.