Children
I’m
not really a proponent of unconditional love except in certain circumstances.
We bring children into the world. We owe them love and support no matter what.
It doesn’t mean condoning or enabling inappropriate behavior. That’s contrary
to love, which should strive for what’s in the child’s best interest, what
enables him or her to pursue a meaningful, useful life.
Giving
in to temper tantrums, using TV or computers often (not just
occasionally—everyone needs a break) instead of giving them our over-worked
attention is what’s easy or expedient for the parent. Child rearing is plain
old-fashioned hard work.
People
We Let Into Our Lives
Spouses,
partners, friends—these are people allowed into our lives for the express purpose
of fulfilling the need for human connections, sort of like a contract. If those
needs are continually or deliberately not met, we may decide to terminate the
relationship and move on.
The
vows for marriage state in sickness and in health, for better or for worse.
What if we were given no clue about a mental or personality disorder before the
marriage that makes the person incompatible, say an addiction or penchant for
abusive behavior. Are we bound by unconditional love to a dead-end
relationship, to someone incapable of returning our love? A person can leave
emotionally without ever going out the door.
Not
the same thing as not loving us the way we need or want—that can be worked on
by learning good communication skills. But if it’s something deeper, endemic,
can we consider the terms of the marriage contract unfulfilled and feel free to
leave and pursue our own happiness?
Wednesday—when
we expect unconditional love.
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