Apologizing For Bad Behavior

Recognizing Our Failings

Many years back—I still lived with my parents—I wanted in the worse way to go to a singing contest and compete. I didn’t want to go alone and asked a friend who also sang to go with me. She wanted nothing to do with it. I cajoled, I argued, I wouldn’t let up. Let’s not quibble. I bullied until she gave in. Except when I arrived to pick her up, she’d fled the house.

I thought what an infantile thing to do, really pissed that I’d miss the competition, too scared to tackle it by myself. After I’d cooled down and looked at things from my friend’s perspective, I thought, how horrible am I that she had to run from her own home to get away from me? I felt awful but screwed up the courage to call and was surprised at her courage when she agreed to talk to me.

Eating Crow

I apologized profusely, explaining that I realized exactly what I’d done and I’d never do it again. We remained friends for a while but eventually drifted apart. A long time ago, I don’t remember if I believed my behavior permanently damaged the friendship or if other factors were at play. Anyway, the point—usually, we women tend to hold on to guilt like the Holy Grail. This one time at least, I didn’t. I meant my apology, truly understood what I’d done was unacceptable, and didn’t do it again.

I can’t say I’ve never repeated other types of controlling behavior through the years with other people. I do think, because of that early experience, I’m more aware when I start to veer onto the wrong path and more apt to reverse course.   

Wednesday—what can be controlled and what cannot when having to apologize and not confusing saying I’m sorry with what it takes to be sorry.